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p4P3r



Joined: 20 Sep 2005
Posts: 656

PostPosted: 28.09.2005 10:12    Post subject: Vicovi! Add user to your forum ignore list Reply with quote

Nisam primjetio ovaj topic ovdje, a mislim da bi ga svaki forum trebao imati...

Pa evo da opalim odmah jednog...

Kaze covjek Bogu: - Cijeli zivot nisam grijesio, dopusti mi da malo uzivam prije smrti.
Oduvijek sam zelio vidjeti Havaje, ali strasno se bojim aviona, a na brodu mi je lose.
Mozes li mi napraviti most do Havaja, da tamo odem automobilom?

Bog mu rece: - To zaista nema smisla, gdje bi bili potporni stupovi, more je nemirno, voziti tamobilo bi opasno. Stvarno, to sto zelis je jako tesko i tehnicki neizvedivo.

Mogu li ti ispuniti neku drugu zelju? - Dobro - kaze covjek. - Zelio bih razumjeti zene, zasto
govore jedno, a misle drugo?

Zasto plaču? Zasto nas ne razumiju? Zasto ne mogu biti otvorene i iskrene?
Zasto ne vide neke stvari ili ih krivo tumace, to zelim. Razumjeti zene!


Bog na to odgovori: - Hoces li most s dvije ili cetiri trake?

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budha



Joined: 02 Mar 2004
Posts: 1377
Location: Osijek

PostPosted: 28.09.2005 10:21    Post subject: Add user to your forum ignore list Reply with quote

a ovo?
Wink

btw, good one Laughing

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p4P3r



Joined: 20 Sep 2005
Posts: 656

PostPosted: 28.09.2005 10:30    Post subject: Add user to your forum ignore list Reply with quote

budha wrote:
a ovo?
Wink

btw, good one Laughing


Embarassed

Onda nisam dobro pogledao...

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ars



Joined: 19 Feb 2004
Posts: 1444
Location: splite moj

PostPosted: 28.09.2005 11:39    Post subject: Add user to your forum ignore list Reply with quote

Laughing
vridija je novi temu.. Cool
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Philatz



Joined: 22 Sep 2003
Posts: 3176
Location: Zagreb/Croatia .. London/UK

PostPosted: 28.09.2005 12:09    Post subject: Add user to your forum ignore list Reply with quote

Dodje gusar u neki PUB, dolje kod medjunozja mu visi onaj navigator za vozit brod,
Pita ga konobar kao; "Jebote pa kaj ti to visi dolje?".
Pirat mu odgovori; "AYE.. IT'S DRIVING ME NUTS!!!".
Very Happy

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p4P3r



Joined: 20 Sep 2005
Posts: 656

PostPosted: 28.09.2005 12:21    Post subject: Add user to your forum ignore list Reply with quote

Laughing

Kratki iz Grčke
Edip : Sizife kako posao?
Sizif : Jebi si mater!

Mujo 1
Prodaje Mujo sladoled na nudistickoj plazi i
prilazi mu jedna dobra p****, te trazi sladoled.
Gleda je Mujo od glave do pete i daje joj sladoled,
a ona ce njemu;" Sta je papcino, zar nikad nisi vidio golu zensku?"
A Mujo ce njoj: " Nije to, nego gledam odakle ces mi platiti ."

Mujo 2
Sjedu Mujo i Fata u autu na usamljenom parkiralistu.
Mujo: -"Nego, reci bona sta ti mislis o situaciji u Iraku?"
Fata: -"Ma, jebe mi se!"
Mujo: -"Odlicno, i meni, samo nisam znao kako bi te pito!"

Hehehe...

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p4P3r



Joined: 20 Sep 2005
Posts: 656

PostPosted: 28.09.2005 12:32    Post subject: Add user to your forum ignore list Reply with quote

A ovo mi je definitivno top 10!

Dosao Mujo po malog Hasu u vrtic.

Mujo: "Ja sam dosao po mog Hasu."

Odgojiteljica: "Kojega? Imamo ih 5."

Mujo: " Bilo kojeg, jebla ga ti, ionako cu ga sutra vratiti."

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unlimited



Joined: 01 Dec 2004
Posts: 32

PostPosted: 28.09.2005 13:00    Post subject: Add user to your forum ignore list Reply with quote

zakaj Dubravu zovu olimpijsko selo?

...jer svi furaju trenirke a niko ne govori hrvatski Laughing
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burne



Joined: 11 Jan 2004
Posts: 602
Location: Split

PostPosted: 28.09.2005 14:04    Post subject: Add user to your forum ignore list Reply with quote

- Koliko je velika slovenska Big Brother kuca?
Dva za dva.

- Kako bi Slovenski Big Brother natjecatelji isli u WC?
Sa putovnicom.

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ars



Joined: 19 Feb 2004
Posts: 1444
Location: splite moj

PostPosted: 28.09.2005 21:31    Post subject: Add user to your forum ignore list Reply with quote

Nedjeljna skolska misa. Mali Ivica kleci u ispovjedaonici...

- Sinko, sto si zgrijesio?
- Velecasni, u srijedu sam poslije skole iza supe imao s jednom djevojkom intimne odnose!
- Sinko, pa bez svetoga sakramenta, to je smrtni grijeh. Koja je to bila djevojka ?

- Velecasni, ne smijem vam reci...
- Je li to bila Ivanka Martinova?
- Velecasni, obecao sam...
- Je bila Marica Ferdina?
- Velecasni, sutim kao grob...
- Da nije slucajno bila udovica Jozefa?
- Velecasni, moja su usta zasivena...
- Pa nisi valjda s Terezom Francickom?
- Velecasni, postujte moje obecanje...
- Je li to mozda bila Micika Filipova?
- Velecasni, prije cu se dati ubiti...
- Sinko, tebi nema pomoci! Za kaznu, tri mjeseca ne smijes u crkvu. Idi sad...

Vrati se Mali Ivica natrag u klupu gdje ga ceka njegov najbolji prijatelj Ive.

- I, koliko si dobio?
- Tri mjeseca postede i pet novih imena seoskih jebacica !!!



********************************************



Dosao novi general na duznost u tvrdjavu legije stranaca u pustinji. Krenuo on prvi dan u obilazak tvrdjave i dok je obilazio ugleda mazgu zavezanu za stup. Upita on najblizeg strazara cemu sluzi ta mazga.
- Gospodine generale mazga je za zabavu vojnika! Znate dugo smo tu bez zena...
- Pa onda joj sredite malo to mjesto, napravite joj nadstresnicu i slicno.
I ode general dalje. Nakon mjesec dana u pustinji general nije mogao izdrzati i odluci se on malo zabaviti sa mazgom. Naredi strazaru da je drzi, a on obavi posao. Dok se oblacio, olaksan i zadovoljan, upita on strazara:
- Reci mi da li i obicni vojnici to rade ovako kao mi generali?
- Pa gospodine generale, obicni vojnici inace zajase mazgu i odjasu do najblizeg naselja sa javnom kucom!



********************************************


Tri zatvorenika prevoze prema zatvoru.
Svakome od njih dopušteno je ponijeti po jednu stvar koja će mu pomoći da prikrati vrijeme unutar rešetaka.
- Što si ti ponio? - upita jedan od njih kolegu.
- Ponio sam boje - reče ovaj, izvadivši kutiju iz torbe.
- Sve ću zidove obojati. A ti?
- Ja imam karte - izvuče ovaj iz džepa špil karata.
- Mogu igrati pasijans, poker, razne igre. A ti? - upita sad on trećega, koji je do tada smrknuto sjedio i šutio.
Ovaj se odmah razvedri i izvuče - kutiju tampona!
- Pa što možeš s tim?! - zabezeknu se prva dvojica.
- Svašta! Evo, na kutiji lijepo piše: mogu plivati, jahati, rolati se...



********************************************



Bio Mujo u ratu i stavili ga u rov. Iz rova svi pucaju samo Mujo leži u rovu ne diže glavu.
Pita ga kapetan:

- Mujo, što ti jedini ne pucaš?
A Mujo mu kaže:
- Gospon kapetane, ja ih tol'ko mrzim da ih ne mogu ni gledati!
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nel`chee



Joined: 08 Jul 2004
Posts: 2087
Location: Rijeka

PostPosted: 28.09.2005 23:23    Post subject: Add user to your forum ignore list Reply with quote

ovo mi je dragi danas poslao na mail, strgala sam se Laughing
Quote:
If World War Two had been an online Real Time Strategy
game, the chat room traffic would have gone something like
this.

*Hitler[AoE] has joined the game.*
*Eisenhower has joined the game.*
*paTTon has joined the game.*
*Churchill has joined the game.*
*benny-tow has joined the game.*
*T0J0 has joined the game.*
*Roosevelt has joined the game.*
*Stalin has joined the game.*
*deGaulle has joined the game.*
Roosevelt: hey sup
T0J0: y0
Stalin: hi
Churchill: hi
Hitler[AoE]: cool, i start with panzer tanks!
paTTon: lol more like panzy tanks
T0JO: lol
Roosevelt: o this fockin sucks i got a depression!
benny-tow: haha america sux
Stalin: hey hitler you dont fight me i dont fight u, cool?
Hitler[AoE]; sure whatever
Stalin: cool
deGaulle: **** Hitler rushed some1 help
Hitler[AoE]: lol byebye frenchy
Roosevelt: i dont got **** to help, sry
Churchill: wtf the luftwaffle is attacking me
Roosevelt: get antiair guns
Churchill: i cant afford them
benny-tow: u n00bs know what team talk is?
paTTon: stfu
Roosevelt: o yah hit the navajo button guys
deGaulle: eisenhower ur worthless come help me quick
Eisenhower: i cant do **** til rosevelt gives me an army
paTTon: yah hurry the fock up
Churchill: d00d im gettin pounded
deGaulle: this is fockin weak u guys suck
*deGaulle has left the game.*
Roosevelt: im gonna attack the axis k?
benny-tow: with what? ur wheelchair?
benny-tow: lol did u mess up ur legs AND ur head?
Hitler[AoE]: ROFLMAO
T0J0: lol o no america im comin 4 u
Roosevelt: wtf! thats bullsh1t u fags im gunna kick ur
asses
T0JO: not without ur harbors u wont! lol
Roosevelt: u little biotch ill get u
Hitler[AoE]: wtf
Hitler[AoE]: america hax, u had depression and now u got a
huge fockin army
Hitler[AoE]: thats bullsh1t u hacker
Churchill: lol no more france for u hitler
Hitler[AoE]: tojo help me!
T0J0: wtf u want me to do, im on the other side of the
world retard
Hitler[AoE]: fine ill clear you a path
Stalin: WTF u arsshoel! WE HAD A FoCKIN TRUCE
Hitler[AoE]: i changed my mind lol
benny-tow: haha
benny-tow: hey ur losing ur guys in africa im gonna need
help in italy soon sum1
T0J0: o **** i cant help u i got my hands full
Hitler[AoE]: im 2 busy 2 help
Roosevelt: yah thats right ***** im comin for ya
Stalin: church help me
Churchill: like u helped me before? sure ill just sit here
Stalin: dont be an arss
Churchill: dont be a commie. oops too late
Eisenhower: LOL
benny-tow: hahahh oh sh1t help
Hitler: o man ur focked
paTTon: oh what now biotch
Roosevelt: whos the cripple now lol
*benny-tow has been eliminated.*
benny-tow: lame
Roosevelt: gj patton
paTTon: thnx
Hitler[AoE]: WTF eisenhower hax hes killing all my sh1t
Hitler[AoE]: quit u hacker so u dont ruin my record
Eisenhower: Nuts!
benny~tow: wtf that mean?
Eisenhower: meant to say nutsack lol finger slipped
paTTon: coming to get u hitler u paper hanging hun
cocksocker
Stalin: rofl
T0J0: HAHAHHAA
Hitler[AoE]: u guys are fockin gay
Hitler[AoE]: ur never getting in my city
*Hitler[AoE] has been eliminated.*
benny~tow: OMG u noob you killed yourself
Eisenhower: ROFLOLOLOL
Stalin: OMG LMAO!
Hitler[AoE]: WTF i didnt click there omg this game blows
*Hitler[AoE] has left the game*
paTTon: hahahhah
T0J0: WTF my teammates are n00bs
benny~tow: shut up noob
Roosevelt: haha wut a moron
paTTon: wtf am i gunna do now?
Eisenhower: yah me too
T0J0: why dont u attack me o thats right u dont got no
ships lololol
Eisenhower: fock u
paTTon: lemme go thru ur base commie
Stalin: go to hell lol
paTTon: fock this sh1t im goin afk
Eisenhower: yah this is gay
*Roosevelt has left the game.*
Hitler[AoE]: wtf?
Eisenhower: sh1t now we need some1 to join
*tru_m4n has joined the game.*
tru_m4n: hi all
T0J0: hey
Stalin: sup
Churchill: hi
tru_m4n: OMG OMG OMG i got all his stuff!
tru_m4n: NUKES! HOLY **** I GOT NUKES
Stalin: d00d gimmie some plz
tru_m4n: no way i only got like a couple
Stalin: omg dont be gay gimmie nuculer secrets
T0J0: wtf is nukes?
T0J0: holy ****holy****hoyl****!
*T0J0 has been eliminated.*
*The Allied team has won the game!*
Eisenhower: awesome!
Churchill: gg noobs no re
T0J0: thats bull**** u fockin suck
*T0J0 has left the game.*
*Eisenhower has left the game.*
Stalin: next game im not going to be on ur team, u guys
didnt help me for ****
Churchill: wutever, we didnt need ur help neway dumbarss
tru_m4n: l8r all
benny~tow: bye
Churchill: l8r
Stalin: fock u all
tru_m4n: shut up commie lol
*tru_m4n has left the game.*
benny~tow: lololol u commie
Churchill: ROFL
Churchill: bye commie
*Churchill has left the game.*
*benny~tow has left the game.*
Stalin: i hate u all fags
*Stalin has left the game.*
paTTon: lol no1 is left
paTTon: weeeee i got a jeep
*paTTon has been eliminated.*
paTTon: o sh1t!
*paTTon has left the game.*

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p4P3r



Joined: 20 Sep 2005
Posts: 656

PostPosted: 28.09.2005 23:34    Post subject: Add user to your forum ignore list Reply with quote

@nel'chee Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing

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Philatz



Joined: 22 Sep 2003
Posts: 3176
Location: Zagreb/Croatia .. London/UK

PostPosted: 29.09.2005 07:59    Post subject: Add user to your forum ignore list Reply with quote

@nel`chee: prvo sam vidio samo dio texta i reko, ajd oke,. onda odskrolam i vidim kobasu i reko ma jok!! daj nacrtaj to da ne moram citat nego da gledam!! Smile

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p4P3r



Joined: 20 Sep 2005
Posts: 656

PostPosted: 29.09.2005 09:48    Post subject: Add user to your forum ignore list Reply with quote

Evo ljudovi jos smijeha Wink

Dvije studentice Splićanke pričaju u autobusu Zagreb - Split.

Govori jedna: Ajme, doša mi momak u subotu.
Malo smo narezali pršuta popilo se i dingača, pa me sve nešto uvatilo...
Ma i njega je... Stali smo se vatat. Ća je bilo lipo.
Dira me, mazia, liza po guzi, po cici, po resican, pipa me svuda...
A onda me... Ajmee, ća mi je prstom radia, cila san se ovlažila!

Kad najednom iz zadnjeg reda se začuje:
- A jel te jeba više, jeben ti mater?!?!? Triba san izać jos u Kninu!!!

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p4P3r



Joined: 20 Sep 2005
Posts: 656

PostPosted: 29.09.2005 09:52    Post subject: Add user to your forum ignore list Reply with quote

evo jos jedan...

Dolazi baba s biciklinom pred selski ducan.
Nasloni biciklin na zid, i bas kad hoce zajti nutra, biciklin se prehiti.

Jedan od "selskih frajera" kaj su pili pivu pred ducanom veli:
Baba, onvesestil ti se biciklin !!!!

Baba se okrene i vrne mu:
I ti bi se onesvestil, konju jedan, da si mi bil pol vure med nogami....

odrijesita baba nema sta...Laughing

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nel`chee



Joined: 08 Jul 2004
Posts: 2087
Location: Rijeka

PostPosted: 29.09.2005 12:43    Post subject: Add user to your forum ignore list Reply with quote

Philatz wrote:
@nel`chee: prvo sam vidio samo dio texta i reko, ajd oke,. onda odskrolam i vidim kobasu i reko ma jok!! daj nacrtaj to da ne moram citat nego da gledam!! Smile

to bi srusilo cijelu poantu vitza... so no - read it or beat it Very Happy

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keko



Joined: 06 May 2004
Posts: 531
Location: Split

PostPosted: 12.10.2005 12:01    Post subject: Add user to your forum ignore list Reply with quote


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p4P3r



Joined: 20 Sep 2005
Posts: 656

PostPosted: 17.10.2005 11:01    Post subject: Add user to your forum ignore list Reply with quote

> Odgoj po dalmatinski

Dodje Ivica doma i kaze starome da je dobio 4 jedinice. Stari popizdio:
- Majmune jedan, iz cega si sve dobio jedinicu?
- Iz tjelesnoga, matematike, hrvatskoga i vjeronauka.

- Kako si dobio jedinicu iz tjelesnoga?
- Ucitelj nam je rekao da dignemo jednu nogu, ja sam je diga. Onda je rekao da dignemo i drugu nogu.

- Pa ćeš onda na kurcu stajat ?
- To sam i ja reka, pa sam dobija jedinicu.

- Dobro, kako si dobio jedinicu iz hrvatskoga?
- Uciteljica je izvukla nas troje i pitala nas da kazemo jednu recenicu. Jure je rekao:
- Ana voli Matu.
Stipe je rekao
- Ana voli Peru....

- U jeba te, pa ta Ana je kurvetina!
- Je, to sam i ja reka, pa mi je uciteljica dala 1.

- Dobro, kako si dobio jedan iz matematike?
- Uciteljica je pitala koliko je 2+3, a ja sam reka 5. Onda je pitala koliko je 3+2...

- A jeba te, to je isti kurac..
- To sam i ja reka, pa sam dobija jedinicu.

- Dobro, ali nije mi jasno, kako si dobio jedan iz vjeronauka?
- Vjeroucitelj je pricao kako je bog svugdje oko nas, a ja sam ga
pita je li i u podrumu od nasega susjeda, a on je reka da je bog i
tamo..

- Je kurac, nas susjed nema podruma..
- E, to sam i ja reka.....

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jurka



Joined: 26 Aug 2004
Posts: 1088
Location: Zagreb

PostPosted: 18.10.2005 09:09    Post subject: Add user to your forum ignore list Reply with quote

keko wrote:

buahhaah ahah hahahaaa ahsa
Laughing Laughing

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kakarinac



Joined: 16 Feb 2005
Posts: 1978
Location: Rijeka

PostPosted: 18.10.2005 16:43    Post subject: Add user to your forum ignore list Reply with quote


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p4P3r



Joined: 20 Sep 2005
Posts: 656

PostPosted: 20.10.2005 12:51    Post subject: Add user to your forum ignore list Reply with quote

Ukrca se časna u vlak, sjedne u kupe i vlak krene. Čuku - čuku, truc, truc .. vozi se ona kad preko puta ugleda poznato lice. Žena sređena, bunda, nakit, kožne čizme, ludi komplet, frizura, nokti ... Gledaju se one u čudu, gledaju "Čuj, si to ti?" "Bok, si to ti? Kako si? Dugo se nismo vidjele!"

Ispričaju se one gdje je koja bila sve ove godine, što se dogodilo i tako dalje. Voze se one dalje, čuku - čuku, truc, truc..
Ne da časnoj vrag mira pa je pita: "Čuj nemoj se ljutiti, ali ova bunda, kako ??? "
Kaže žena: "Ma, neugodno mi je, ali jedna krasna noć i evo ... "

Voze se one dalje, čuku - čuku, truc, truc...
Opet časna: Ma, oprosti, ali ove čizme, otkud ???
"Ma, baš mi je neugodno, ali jedan prekrasan vikend, i evo..

Časna : "Čuj, ovaj komplet, ta ogrlica, kožna torba ???"
"Ma, čuj, jedno prekrasno zimovanje, i evo..."

Rastanu se one na stanici, odu svaka svojim putem.
Časna dođe u samostan, već je bilo kasno, skine se, pomoli i legne.
Kad usred noći čuje neko tiho kuca : kuc, kuc !!!

Časna: "Ko je ?"
"Ja sam, fra Jozo!" tiho će fratar.

ČASNA: "JEBI SE TI I TVOJE KARAMELE!!!"

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jojo



Joined: 27 Jan 2005
Posts: 1591
Location: insula aurea

PostPosted: 21.10.2005 08:45    Post subject: Add user to your forum ignore list Reply with quote

kažu pametni ljudi da je u svakoj šali pola istine Cool


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p4P3r



Joined: 20 Sep 2005
Posts: 656

PostPosted: 21.10.2005 09:03    Post subject: Add user to your forum ignore list Reply with quote

jojo wrote:
kažu pametni ljudi da je u svakoj šali pola istine Cool



Buahahahahahahahahahha!!!!!!!!!

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p4P3r



Joined: 20 Sep 2005
Posts: 656

PostPosted: 26.10.2005 11:44    Post subject: Add user to your forum ignore list Reply with quote

Uš'o Mujo u avion, kad ono do njega sjedi papagaj. U neka doba prolazi kraj njih stjuardesa, kad ce ti njoj papagaj:

- "Boga ti, droljo, donesi mi nešto da pojedem."
Ode stjuardesa i donese mu jelo. Kaže Mujo:

- "De, droljo, i meni nešto donesi da pojedem."
A stjuardesa ti se okrenu, zaljepi Muji šamar i kaže:

- "Sram vas bilo! Kako se vi to meni obracate?! Da vam više na pamet nije palo!"
Malo poslije prolazi ista stjuardesa, a papagaj ce:

- "Droljo, donesi mi nešto da popijem."
Ne prode malo, a stjuardesa mu donese pice. Gleda Mujo, pa ce opet:

- "Droljo, donesi i meni pice."
Opet njemu stjuardesa održi lekciju kako je nekulturan i bezobrazan i kaže:

- "Ako još jednom nešto takvo kažete, obojicu cu vas izbaciti iz aviona!"
Treci put prolazi stjuardesa i papagaj joj kaže:

- "Droljo, donesi mi novine."
I stjuardesa mu, zaista, donese novine. I Mujo pokuša opet. Kaže:

- "Droljo, daj i meni novine."
A stjuardesa ti uhvati i Muju i papagaja, pa kroz prozor - van.

I padaju tako Mujo i papagaj, kad ce ti papagaj Muji:
- "Mujo, da ja tebe nešto pitam."
- "Pitaj", kaže Mujo.
- "A jel' ti znaš letit'?"
- "Ne znam", odgovori Mujo.
- "Pa, šta se onda kurčiš u avionu!"
Laughing Laughing

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Adrian



Joined: 02 Apr 2004
Posts: 692
Location: Around & about

PostPosted: 26.10.2005 14:33    Post subject: Add user to your forum ignore list Reply with quote

Ovaj mi je jedan od najjačih, šovinističkih:

Kako se zove magazin za zlostavljane žene?
-> "Modra Vlasta!" Laughing Laughing Laughing


Još par:

Šta se desi ženi kad se vraća iz podruma, i padne niz stepenice?
-> Ništa! (ako nije nosila pivo u rukama)


Šta je gore od muške šovinističke svinje?
-> Žena koja ne sluša!

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The quest for certainty blocks the search for meaning. Uncertainty is the very condition to impel a man to unfold his powers.
http://origami.hr
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